Dying Inside
by HeartbreakDX
Summary: HBK/Taker Slash. HEAVY STORY! MATURE CONTENT WARNING! Features torture and violence! Shawn's near lifeless body shows up in an arena parking lot after being missing for 9 months.
1. Chapter 1

Dying Inside

-HeartbreakDX

Disclaimer: No own.

Pairing: Shawn/Undertaker (Shaker)

Rating: Heavy NC-17

Warnings: Extremely dark themes, torture, rape, blood, guts and gore. This is a heavy fic guys, if you can't stomach this sort of thing DO NOT READ ON! I have warned you, please do not whine to me if you regret not heeding it.

Summary: After being missing for 9 months, Shawn is found in an arena parking lot having been brutally beaten and tortured and near death. There is no telling whether he will survive long enough to be found alive. HEAVY FIC PEOPLE!!!

---

Shawn's head flew back as he was hit again. He let it fall forward, too weak to hold himself up any longer. His whole body slumped forward, only the shackles around his wrists that held him kneeling with his arms stretched to either side keeping him from falling face first to the rough stone floor. Blood dripped out of the corner of his mouth to join the stream that was already flowing from his broken nose. For months he had been held here, chained in place. For months he had been starved, only given enough food and water to keep him alive. For months his captors would come and beat him, torture him, have their way with him.

He was a terrible sight to behold. Every inch of his once flawless skin was covered in cuts, bruises, and burns. His whole body was caked in blood, sweat, and other bodily fluids; his hair was a tangled, crazy, matted mess stained red with his own blood. His rib cage was in tatters, every breath he took was a painful struggle. His internal injuries were the worst of it. He was slowly dying and he knew it. He had long ago given up hope of rescue.

He didn't even know how he had gotten here, he did not even remember the last thing that had happened before he'd woken up here. He didn't remember his life before this anymore. Not his friends, not his job, not his boyfriend. All Shawn knew was pain, violation, hunger, thirst, and suffering.

Slowly and painfully he lifted his head to look into his captors' face. Why he still fought, why he still showed his last bit of strength he did not know. This captors laughed as a tear slowly trailed down his cheek. The leader drove his knee into Shawn's stomach and Shawn to gasped and coughed, trying to breathe and expelling blood.

Feeling lightheaded, everything began to spin. The jeering faces of his jailers swam before his eyes, melting together as he slipped into dark oblivion; the only sanctuary he had left. Shawn's body went limp and he fell forward against his restraints. The leader of the men sneered.

"I'm tired of him, he's useless to us now. Dispose of him." he ordered, turning around and striding out the door without a second thought.

* * *

Mark sat on his bed and hung his head. 9 months and no sign of his baby. His heart ached. He wanted to believe that Shawn was alive, that he was somewhere awaiting rescue. Still as the weeks slipped past the likelihood of him being found alive, or at all, dwindled to just a desperate lover's dream. He picked up a framed photograph from his pillow. Under the glass, Shawn's bright smile and sweet blue eyes shone back at him.

He lay down on his bed, no THEIR bed. It would always be THEIR bed. The bed they first made love in, the bed beside which he sat as Shawn recovered from his back surgery, the bed where they had both tended to each other in sickness and in health, the bed where they would lie in together for hours just to be close to one another.

Mark would give anything and everything just to have his Darlin' home alive. He desperately wanted to hold his little blond angel in his arms again. Nine months to the day Shawn had been taken from him, all traces of him had vanished. The case was cold, the police had given up, even his friends had lost hope. Only he and his boss Vince, who thought of Shawn as a second son, still kept on looking.

Mark got to his feet and drove his fist into the wall with an anguished scream. The drywall crumbled around it making a sizable hole. The mirror was his next victim, shattering into hundreds of pieces as he drove his fist through it was well. He fell to his knees amongst the wreckage, his hand bleeding, sobbing Shawn's name. He held his picture of Shawn tightly to his chest with his uninjured arm. His body shook violently with his sobs, nothing would ever be able to comfort him until Shawn came home....if he ever came home.

TBC

Author's Note: This story ushers in my triumphant return to writing! YAY! So this has been something stewing about in my head for a very long time and its going to a much darker place than I have gone before. I'm hoping to make this a long fic, I've got a lengthy plot and a short plot both sorta floating around in my head. So we will see! *Please review, I really need your opinions to decide which path I'm going to take with this*. Sorry it is so short but this chappy is my tester s to whether or not to continue!

Happy Reading!

HeartbreakDX


	2. Chapter 2

Dying Inside

-HeartbreakDX

Mark wanted to be anywhere but at the arena. The last place he'd seen Shawn was at this arena, it hurt so bad to be there. He and Shawn had showered together and he'd given Shawn a kiss on the forehead before sprinting off to a meeting with Vince that he was late for, leaving Shawn alone. When he had returned Shawn was gone. His bag had been tossed across the room, its contents strewn across the floor, the bench had been overturned and was lying on the opposite side of the room. A couple of locker shelves had been destroyed, as if someone had been thrown into them. Blood, that the police had later identified to be Shawn's, was smeared on the wall near the lockers, the floor, and the locker room door. Whatever had taken place had been violent and Shawn had been hurt. Other than that, Mark knew nothing of his lover's fate.

Hunter led him along the hall, all but dragging him along. Mark still held his picture of Shawn, his hand injured from last night now bandaged. He didn't see the point in coming tonight. He would not wrestle. No matter how his friends urged him to try and move on, he couldn't. How could he move on with his life when Shawn was his life? No. Nothing they could say or do would change that.

* * *

A large van pulled into the emptier part of the arena back parking lot. Two men got out and looked around.

"Here?" Asked the shorter of the two.

"Yeah, perfect. Boss said put him back where we got him. It will stir up more of a response I guess. Whatever. The bitch doesn't have long to live, a couple of hours at most. Let them find him." The second answered, opening the back.

The two men lifted Shawn's emaciated body out of the van and tossed him across the pavement. He hit the ground with a loud thud and a crack, rolling briefly from the momentum. The taller man laughed.

"Give him one last send off shall we?" he laughed, getting into the van. His partner followed suit and they turned the van around, making sure to run over Shawn's hand on the way out of the lot. Shawn gave no response, he was too far gone to feel it. That, at least, was a blessing. He'd endured far too much pain already.

* * *

Vince was late to the arena. Honestly he'd rather have not been here tonight. He blamed himself for what had happened because he had insisted on his meeting with Mark being one on one. He leaned back against the expensive seats of his limo. Shawn had become like his second son, since the wrestler's own father had not been much of one. He still refused to believe that Shawn was dead. Not a religious man before this whole incident, Vince had since taken to praying every night for Shawn to be found alive.

The limo jerked to a stop suddenly, jarring Vince from his thoughts.

"What the..?" he started. His son Shane beside him poked his head out the window.

"Dad, there's someone lying in the parking lot!" Shane exclaimed. Both McMahons got out of the car to see what was going on. They did not recognize the body until they were a couple feet away.

"No..." Vince whispered, sprinting to the man's side. Shane stumbled off into the grass to throw up. They couldn't believe the state he was in. The smell of blood and sex was pungent in the air. He looked dead, how could any man survive such torture? It was an awful sight.

Tears rolled down Vince's cheeks as he took out a handkerchief and did his best to wipe the blood and grime off of Shawn's pale face. Shane inched forward and knelt beside Shawn's body. He reached out a hand to check for a pulse but not expecting to find one. He didn't even notice it at first, but he could feel a weak throb under his fingers. Shawn's blood was still pumping, his heart still beating, he was still alive!

"Dad! Dad, he's alive! I've got a pulse! Its very weak....but its there!" He said, shaking his dad from his mourning.

"Shawn? Shawn can you hear me son?" Vince called, leaning over him. No response. "Shane, run in and get help! And find Mark! He should be here tonight."

Shane did as he was told as his father continued to try and get a response from Shawn.

"Come back Shawn, come on son. You're going to be ok, you're safe now." He murmured. He gently stroked his hand over Shawn's matted and blood soaked hair, not caring that the blood came off on his hands. He kept one hand on Shawn's pulse, feeling it start to fade.

"No Shawn! No! Come on, stay with me! Just stay with me Son! Please Shawn, they can't hurt you anymore. Stay here." He pleaded. He took Shawn's uncrushed hand in his and squeezed it gently. He saw the paramedics coming out of the arena, and far ahead of them, Mark.

Mark ran to them and was beside Shawn in an instant.

"Oh Shawn...." he gasped, taking in his lover's broken body. He broke down right there and Hunter had to pull him away so the medics could work. Mark followed Shane's example from earlier, falling to his knees in the grass and throwing up violently. Hunter rubbed his back as he heaved, watching the paramedics try to stabilize his dying friend.

'_Please Lord,'_ he prayed, pleadingly. _'let him live.'_

He watched as they loaded him into the ambulance and rushed him away. He helped Mark to his feet and he and Shane led Mark and Vince to the limo so that they could follow Shawn to the hospital. As they pulled out, Shane stared out the window, watching police officers taping off the scene.

_'If I ever find the person who hurt you Shawn, I promise that they will feel more pain than they ever have in their entire life for what they've done.' _he swore.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Dying Inside

-HeartbreakDX

Mark paced back and forth in the waiting room anxiously. He looked on the verge of a mental break down. Their limo had gotten caught in traffic so that by the time they had gotten there, Shawn was being rushed into surgery. Mark watched as Shawn was wheeled by him. Now that all the mess had been cleaned off his skin, he could see the full extent of his injuries and he nearly passed out.

The little information that the ER doctor had told them was not good. Nobody seemed to think that Shawn would live. The internal bleeding was severe, Shawn had too many broken bones to count, his brain was swelling inside his head. Mark refused to believe that Shawn wouldn't make it. If he didn't he didn't know what he would do.

Hunter stood and lay a hand on his shoulder. Mark stopped and look at him, tears streaming down his face.

"Come and sit Mark." he urged gently. Mark shook his head. He continued his pacing.

"Mark, this isn't doing Shawn any good. He wouldn't want to see you getting all worked up this way." Hunter said. Mark looked up and sighed, closing his eyes and letting Hunter steer him to a couch.

"He's going to be ok." Hunter said not believing his own words. "He...he's tough."

Both men swallowed.

"Why him?" Mark whispered, looking at Hunter. His eyes showed how truly heartbreaking this was for him, how truly he loved the blonde fighting for his life. "He's been through so much already...and this....God, did you see that they'd done to him? He was burned....." Mark was a little green, feeling sick at the memory of how Shawn looked, trying not to imagine how he'd been tortured.

"I dunno Mark." Hunter whispered, taking Mark's big hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze and forcing himself to stay strong. He couldn't break down, not in front of Mark, not matter how much he wanted to. Shawn was his best friend and he silently pleaded with God to spare him.

"He'll pull through." He reassured his friend. "He has to." he whispered, more to himself.

_'Don't leave us Buddy' _he thought. _'We still need you.'_

* * *

Hours later there was still no word. Mark had passed out from pure exhaustion about an half hour ago. Hunter stood, leaving the ever growing group of wrestlers waiting for word on Shawn's condition. Nearly half the company was there now, along with the whole Kliq, and a good portion of TNA. He slipped away to the bathroom, needing to get himself together. He leaned heavily against the sink and splashed water on his face, closing his eyes and sighing, pressing his forehead against the mirror.

"Trying to slip away into the mirror Hunt?" a voice called. He turned, coming face to face with Kevin Nash. Hunter swallowed, looking into his old friend's eyes. Kevin held out his arms and that was enough. Hunter fell into his embrace, letting his emotions go for the first time in months. He buried his face in Kevin's shoulder, letting out all the pain, worry, and fear that he'd been bottling up since Shawn's disappearance.

"I know Kiddo. I know." Kevin comforted, holding the blonde man tight. Hunter clung to the bigger man as he cried.

Kevin held him there until he could collect himself. Hunter sniffed and finally pulled away, wiping his eyes.

"Thanks Kev." he muttered, hiccuping a bit. Kevin smiled.

"Hey, that's what I'm here for Hunter, you don't always have to be the strong one." He said. Hunter nodded and went to the sink to splash water on his face again.

"Kev?" Hunter whispered softly.

"Yeah Kiddo?"

"Shawn's gonna be ok isn't he?" It sounded so childish, Hunter looked up at the big man, desperate for him to contradict the fear in his heart.

"I hope so Hunter."

Vince sat in the hard, plastic waiting room chair with his head in his hands. He couldn't get that image of Shawn sprawled out on the ground, bleeding beaten and burned, out of his head. He'd cried so much since then that he couldn't cry anymore.

"Its all my fault." he muttered. "I'm so sorry son."

"Don't say that Vinnie, this isn't your fault." Came a soothing voice beside him. Arms wrapped around him, he knew those arms!

"Eric?" Vince whispered, lifting his head. Sure enough there was his lover Eric, white frosty hair and all.

"Got here as soon as I heard V, any word yet?" he murmured, pulling Vince against him.

"Nothing." Vince croaked. "Its my fault."

"Stop saying that V! This is not your fault!" Eric repeated.

"I took Mark from him, left him alone and at anyone's mercy!" Vince argued.

"Vince, you should know by now that one single person cannot subdue Shawn and from the looks of the room it looked like they were prepared to take down Mark to get to him." He rubbed Vince's back and held him close. "Don't blame yourself Baby, there was nothing you could have done."

Vince relaxed against him and closed his eyes.

"What if he doesn't make it Eric?" he whispered, voicing the fear of all of their hearts.

"I dunno V, lets pray it doesn't come to that." Eric pulled Vince tighter against him, afraid that if Shawn died he would lose Vince.

Everything hinged on Shawn's survival. For Vince and Eric, for Kevin, for Hunter, and especially for poor Mark.

TBC

Author's note: Thank you everyone for your reviews! Please keep them coming, I still haven't decided which way to go with this yet so I guess I'm just as excited as you all to see what happens next! Poor Shawn.

Shawnmuse: Why do you always hurt me Heartbreak?

HeartbreakDX: I'm sorry Shawn, you make good fic.

Shawnmuse: **pouts**

HeartbreakDX: But I still love you Shawn!

Shawnmuse: Yeah, yeah I know. R&R my friends!


	4. Chapter 4

Dying Inside

Darkness. Cool and soothing. The only sanctuary he had left. Here he could pretend that it all had been a terrible nightmare and that when he woke up, Mark would be there to comfort him. Shawn lay wrapped in his blanket of darkness, hoping that he would never wake. He wanted death: blissful, peaceful, freedom from his waking nightmare that was his life.

He drifted farther and farther away from that life, towards the deep darkness in front of him. No white light, no pearly gates, no long dead relatives waiting for him, no....nothing. This was death? Loneliness, darkness, nothingness? Shawn became scared. Not even the smallest amount of comfort after all he'd been through. He cried. He curled up in a tiny ball and just cried.

All he wanted now was to go home. He wanted Mark. He wanted his lover's big, strong arms around him and to hear that deep Texas drawl telling him it was all right and that everything would be ok. He couldn't take this. This never-ending, maddening, dark.

"I want to go home!" he sobbed to the darkness.

Suddenly there was pain. White hot, burning pain! He screamed. Everything closed in on him, he was being pushed down, suffocated. He thrashed. Then there were sounds, voices, light. Unfamiliar faces swam in and out of his blurred vision. Every inch of him hurt. His body burned with pain. He had no idea where he was or what was going on. He tried his best to fight but was held still. A soft female voice reached his ears.

"Its alright Shawn." she murmured, the speaker leaning over him. "You're safe now."

Shawn didn't comprehend her words.

"Shhhhh its ok, you're going to be ok now Shawn, we're going to help you. Your boyfriend is outside, waiting. Mark? Remember Mark?" The name made him go still. Just the mention calmed him.

"Sedative? There....he'll be out in a few seconds. Be ready to intubate....." The voices started to fade, the colors melted before his eyes and he closed them. He slipped back into unconsciousness and didn't wake again for a very long time.

* * *

Mark leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the large window overlooking the city below. He sighed and closed his sore eyes. He was so tired. He'd been here nearing 24 hour now and still no word on how Shawn was doing. The fear in the pit of his stomach twisted and writhed, increasing his unease. He craved any news of his lover's condition, all of this sitting and waiting around was driving him mad.

The whole room was just as worried. They were all now in a private waiting room as their numbers had continued to increase. The Kliq was huddled along one wall, Hunter cuddled tight in Kevin's arms and Kid curled up in Scott's. The Hardyz weren't far away, Jeff asleep in his older brother's protective arms. Various other couples were grouped about the room as well, all waiting for news of Shawn.

Mark felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Steve "Sting" Borden beside him, his face clear of paint.

"You ok?" Steve asked. Mark shook his head.

"No, I suppose not. Stupid question." Steve sighed. He squeezed the larger man's shoulder. "Have you tried praying Big Man?"

Again Mark shook his head. He hadn't prayed in 15 years. Sting gave him a small smile.

"I'll pray with you if you want. It can't hurt." Steve offered.

Mark thought for a moment. He wasn't sure what he believed but he would try anything that could help save his angel.

"Ok." He agreed. Steve nodded. He knelt there on the floor, closed his eyes and bowed his head. Awkwardly, Mark did the same.

"Heavenly Father," Steve prayed. "We thank you for bringing Shawn home to us and ask you to protect him and pour out your healing upon him. Bring him comfort and let him feel your love. Be with his family and friends as they support him, in Your name we pray, Amen."

Mark raised his head and gave Steve a weak smile. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Steve replied, sitting on the floor beside the bigger man.

Mark stared at the ceiling, hoping that God would hear their prayer.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Dying Inside

The hours dragged on and on forever. Mark was hyper aware of every single movement, every single sound in the room and every beat of his own pounding heart. He had taken to gazing at Shawn's picture again, fighting back tears and worst case scenarios, trapped in his own head. The seconds ticked by, each feeling as long as a century. The waiting room was deathly silent but for the ticking clock on the hospital wall. Each tick seemed to reverberate and echo throughout the room. It was driving them all mad, Vince and Hunter especially.

Tick. Hunter tried to block out the sound.

Tick. Vince tried to ignore it.

Tick. Both men flinched at the sound, it seemed so loud.

Tick. Hunter gritted his teeth.

Tick. What was happening? Where was Shawn?

Tick. Why hadn't the doctor returned with news yet?

Tick. Was Shawn ok? What's going on?

Tick. No one moving, no one speaking, no one making the tiniest sound.

Tick. Everyone seemed to be holding their breath.

TICK. Why was the clock getting louder?

TICK. Where was the doctor!

TICK! The clock was so loud!

TICK! Why was the clock so loud!

TICK!! Where the hell was Shawn?!

A loud clatter and everyone looked up to see Jeff Hardy sprawled out on the floor among a pile of magazines. Instantly, the tense silence was broken. Everybody laughed, Jeff blushed.

"S...ssorry." he mumbled sheepishly as his brother helped him up. "Tripped."

Everyone laughed again, a little more relaxed. Edge and Christian ruffled Jeff's rainbow hair. The Hardy sat back down in his corner with Matt. There was a knock on the door and it opened as Shawn's doctor finally made his appearance. Mark was up on his feet in a second.

"Wow...are you ALL here for Shawn Michaels?" he asked. Everybody was on their feet and crowding around the doctor.

"Whoa, hold on." he said a little shocked, backing up a bit. "I need to talk to Mark alone first, only family and Mark, Shawn has you named as next of kin in his papers here."

"Y...yeah." Mark nodded shakily. "Sh...Sh..awn....'s my lover. W....we're Life Partners.....he....he gave me power of attorney in....in case...."

Mark swallowed hard, willing himself to keep it together. He swayed a little and the doctor smiled and nodded understandingly.

"Let's talk outside privately, my office is just outside." he murmured gently, leading Mark out into the hall and through a second door only feet away.

"Come on, sit down, you look like you're gonna pass out." he urged, concerned and sitting Mark down in the comfy chair in front of his desk. "You alright Mr. Calloway? You need a minute?"

Mark shook his head. "Its Mark....please doctor....Shawn? How is....is he alright? Is my baby gonna be ok?" he asked desperately, wringing his hands anxiously.

The doctor sighed and Mark's heart instantly plummeted. It was then he noticed the doctor's blood stained scrubs.

"Please." he pleaded. "Please tell me he made it...."

The doctor nodded solemnly. "Yes, Shawn made it through the operation and its a miracle he did."

Mark's heart leapt with a small glimmer of hope. "How....how bad....?"

"He's just barely holding on." the doctor admitted. "His body is ready to give out on him. I really can't give you a full list of his injuries but they're extensive."

Mark closed his eyes, trying to hold back tears. "What did they.....do to him?"

The doctor sighed again. "He was badly beaten and......." he trailed off, reluctant to finish his sentence.

"He was raped wasn't he?" Mark asked softly, not lifting his head.

"Yes." the doctor confirmed. "I'm sorry."

Mark leaned forward, putting his head in his hands and losing his battle against the tears.

"His chances?" he sniffed, almost not wanting to know the answer.

"He has a high grade fever and his body--" he started but Mark cut him off.

"Doctor please just tell me straight, what are his chances?"

The doctor paused and then... "25% at best."


	6. Chapter 6

Dying Inside

A/N: Wow guys, the responses for the last chapter were amazing! Thank you! Just so you guys know, I will be participating in the Secret Santa 2009 Fic Challenge so look forward to at least 2 fics and I apologize now if I end up with a Cena pairing. (Please no, please no, please no!) Keep the reviews coming, they fuel my drive big time! Happy Holidays!

"I need to see him." Mark croaked, swallowing hard and taking a deep breath to try and regain his composure.

"I can't allow you to go in." the doctor said regretfully. "We have him in isolation right now with a 104 fever. We need to prevent further infection, which in his current condition, would kill him."

Mark slumped in his chair, devastated. He needed to see Shawn just to reassure him that he was here now and reassure himself that his Angel was still fighting.

"Please Doctor, I need to see him. I have to let him know that I'm here now and he's ok. He has to know I haven't abandoned him please!" he begged, his heart breaking. "Its been 9 months since I've seen him, since I've held him in my arms. I'm begging you."

Mark was sobbing brokenly, not caring now that there was someone here witnessing his total breakdown. The Doctor bit his lip, how could he deny the broken man before him. Shawn's chances of recovery were so thin and any glimmer of hope to keep the tortured blond fighting was the be taken advantage of.

"All right." the Doctor relented reluctantly. "But you'll have to wear a gown, mask, and gloves."

Mark nodded wearily and tried to calm back down.

"Just give yourself a couple of minutes to calm down Mark." The doctor told him, placing a gentle hand on the big man's shoulder. "You've had a rough time and I know this is really tough for you. You love him a lot, don't you?"

"M...mm...more than anything." Mark said shakily as he attempted to calm his body down again.

The doctor smiled. "Yeah, it shows, he's really lucky to have you Mark."

Mark took a deep shuddering breath as he finally forced himself to stop crying and relax. "No, I'm the lucky one. S...so lucky to have him. I..I dunno what I'll do if....if I lose him."

The doctor patted him on the back. "Come on, let's get you scrubbed in so you can see him."

~-----*----*------~

"You ready?" the doctor asked as Mark pulled on the yellow plastic gown over the scrubs he was now wearing. He'd literally scrubbed in as if he were performing surgery: scrubbed his hands and arms up to the elbow, put on scrubs, tucked his hair up into a surgical cap, slipped on the gown and now the rubber gloves and tucked them over the sleeves of the gown.

"I think so." Mark answered as the doctor tied his mask for him before slipping on his own gloves and mask.

"Alright, remember he's in pretty rough condition so he looks a right mess. Try not to freak out, he's on a lot of machines and medications right now." he said, preparing him.

"Ok." Mark nodded, readying himself. The doctor slid open the glass door leading into a small hallway with a wall on one side and glass walled rooms on the other. In the middle of the corridor the solid wall side bowed outward making room for the nurse's station. Each one wore the same caps, masks, and gowns they did.

As they came to the room directly on the other end of the hall, the doctor stopped. This was the only one of the rooms in this hall with the blinds securely shut.

"Here he is." the doctor announced, pressing the small button to open the door. It slid open and they stepped into the small "cleansing room" and the door shut behind them, sealing airtight. Mark felt a rush of cold air hit him.

"Antiseptic, can't be too careful." the doctor explained. Mark nodded as the doctor finally opened the door to Shawn's room. Mark closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and stepped into the room.

-(I almost want to end this chapter here but I'm pretty sure you'll all kill me from postponing Mark from seeing Shawn AGAIN so because its the holidays, I'll give you guys a bit more because I'm nice)-

Mark's stomach dropped as he gazed in horror at Shawn's mangled body. He had never seen Shawn look so very tiny and helpless in his life and it was a sight he never wished to lay eyes on again. There was not a patch of flesh on his body that had been left unmarred by some injury. Burns, gashes, bruises and scrapes covered his entire body from what Mark could tell from the small about of skin left bare and unbandaged.

The worst of the external injuries from what Mark could tell was a huge deep red-brown and sickly white burn covering his lover's pec and shoulder that was too severe to cover with a bandage until it had healed some. They had been covering it with damp white cloths to try and manage it. Shawn's shattered hand and broken left leg had been placed in casts, his dislocated shoulder replaced back into its socket and immobilized, his knee was in a hard brace and most of the rest of his body was covered in thick white bandages.

The doctor stepped up to Shawn's bedside and carefully drew the sterilized white sheet up over his lower body. Shawn had no color in his face at all and it scared Mark to his core. He would have thought that he were dead if it weren't for the ventilator tube making Shawn's chest rise and fall slowly. Mark kept his eyes from focusing on the other tubes and wires connected to his love.

He stepped up to Shawn's bedside hesitantly, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. He sat down in the hard, uncomfortable plastic chair provided him and took Shawn's other heavily bandaged hand gingerly in his own. He looked so heart-wrenchingly helpless lying there.

"Sh...Sh...Shawn?" He whispered tentatively. "Hey Angel Bear, its me......i..its Marky, Honey. Can you hear me Little One? I'm here, I...I promised I'd find you.....I did....I tried..."

He swallowed hard fight back another breakdown. _Stay strong, _He thought. _Shawn needs you to be strong for him._

"I'm so sorry Love, I'm so sorry I wasn't there, sorry I couldn't protect you....save you from......from this. It's my fault....I shouldn't have left you alone. I.....I failed you." he reached up and brushed Shawn's hair off his face. The heat radiating from the blond's skin was incredible.

"And now you....you're here....and you're hurt.....and you're sick....and it's all on me, its all my fault Baby.....I don't deserve someone as wonderful and as perfect as you. You....my Little Angel." he lifted his lover's bandaged hand gently and kissed the back of it through his mask, trying put put all the love and emotion he could into it to make Shawn understand why he had to keep fighting, why he had to stay here.

"Please Angel, my sweet and perfect Angel......stay with me.....fight....I need you here with me so bad. Don't leave me here alone. I love you. I love you so much.....I....I was going to....that night......I was ready to propose.....I....I was going to ask you to marry me, to be mine....forever. No....no matter what happens Honey, I swear that my heart will always and forever be only yours.....only yours Shawn." he very gently squeezed his hand. "They won't let me stay in here with you Angel.......God in Heaven I don't want to leave you!"

The doctor was gently trying to pull Mark away. "Come on Mark, you can come back a little later. Let him rest."

Mark sighed. "I have to go Angel.....I love you ok? No matter what I love you. Never ever forget that...." he leaned over and tried to kiss Shawn's bruised cheek through his mask but it didn't seem right. "I wish I could kiss you for real.....I'm gonna try and see if they'll let me stay outside your room."

Mark slowly stood and reluctantly pulled away. "Fight for me Love, come back to me. Be the resilient Heartbreak Kid I know you are and shock them all by getting through this. I'll be here, you get better." He finally turned away and let the doctor lead him from the room. As the door slid closed, cutting off his view of Shawn he murmured softly to himself.

"I will always love you, please stay strong Baby."

* * *

HeartbreakDX: Holy HBK was that difficult to write. I'm bawling like a baby as I type. Tears on my keyboard GAH!

Takermuse: * **blubbering ***

Heartbreak: I'm sry Mark, I know I'm torturing you here.

Shawnmuse: * Also blubbering * I love you too Mark, I love you too!

[Muses hug and cry together]

Heartbreak: Way to make me feel terrible guys!


	7. Chapter 7

Dying Inside

-HeartbreakDX

Note: Yeah, another short one but hey, 3 chaps in 3 days. Pretty epic. I'm seriously as excited and desperate as you guys to find out what will happen next. I just write whatever pops into my head. A slave to the musi, me.

Chapter Seven:

Mark was sitting in a chair inches from the glass walls of his lover's isolation room around the corner from the door. That was the advantage of Shawn's room being on the end, there was a good sized gap between the wall of the unit and the glass wall of the room. The doctor agreed to let him stay outside of Shawn room, not having the heart to tear Mark away from Shawn again. They'd even set up a place for him to sleep, a small cot with a pillow and blanket. It was not comfortable by any means but Mark was not concerned with his own comfort at the moment, as long as he was close to Shawn.

And he was, technically. Even though he was outside the room, he was only a few feet from his Angel. The nurses had drawn back a section of the curtains so he could watch Shawn and he sat there for hours with his head pressed up against the glass watching the up and down movement of his chest or the spikes and dips of his heart monitor. They were so small, so weak. Mark willed them to get stronger.

Sometimes the nurses would bring him coffee. He'd fake a smile and thank them before going back to his vigil over his love. Sometimes he would talk to Shawn through the glass, relating his favorite memories of them together: dates, movies, holidays, anything that stood out. Everyone watched him, the nurses listened to the stories and would sometimes have to step away to cry. For Mark, for Shawn, and for the horrible thing that had put this glass wall between the two lovers.

Hunter and Vince joined him for a couple of hours a day, telling him what was happening outside the walls of the hospital. All of the wrestlers had to go back to work, they sent cards, gifts and letters to Shawn and to him with words of support and encouragement. Mark had taken to reading them to Shawn through the glass. This made the nurses cry again.

Once a day he was allowed to go in and visit him for one short hour. Mark sat at his bedside, holding his hand, talking to him, crying, begging, praying, sobbing, pleading for a miracle. That was Shawn's only hope now, a miracle. He wasn't really improving much at all. His fever wavered up and down between 103 and 104 degrees, he had fluid beginning to build up in his lungs, and there was no sign of good things to come in sight. Mark sometimes just sat quietly watching his Angel's face as he stroked his hair. Sometimes he hummed, sometimes he sang, sometimes he told jokes or repeated Hunter and Vince's news from the outside. After the hour was up, the doctor would gently pull Mark away again. Mark would say goodbye, that he loved him, to keep fighting and get better before ending the visit with a kiss on his forehead or cheek.

Things weren't any better on the investigation side either. Once again the police were clueless, their only lead was a tire print they got off of Shawn's crushed hand. Once in a while Mark's sadness was broken by thoughts of the monsters who hurt _his_ Angel Bear. He promised himself that he would find them and make them sorry if he ever discovered who they were. Sometime he imagined their faces and thought up the punishments he would inflict on them. They would pay for the pain and horrors they put them through and if Shawn died, he would find them, torture then kill those monsters before going back to Shawn's grave and committing suicide.

_But Shawn wouldn't die,_ He always told himself. _He couldn't, he wouldn't leave me on my own...._would he? Was what he went through so horrifying that he couldn't stand to live, even for Mark? Would Shawn abandon him, force him to bury the only person he really opened up to enough to love? He wouldn't.....he couldn't......he can't.

"Please Shawn, I need you Baby. Please hold on for me. Show me you'll stay? Please? Anything? A wiggle? A squeeze? Something?" he sobbed holding Shawn's hand, completely breaking down. Then he got an answer, and it wasn't the one he wanted. The machines started to go off and Shawn's body began to seize. Shawn was having a seizure and Mark could only stand there helpless and watch.


	8. Chapter 8: In Which Mark Babbles Alot

Dying Inside

-HeartbreakDX

Note: Yeah so I know the ending of 7 was just really evil and you're all freaking out at me. Hehe I'm evil. Thank you guys so much for the flood of responses. They are the reason I'm able to write these chapters so quickly. Please keep them coming, I can use the fuel.

Chapter 8:

There was nothing Mark could do. All he could was sit there and watch helplessly as Shawn's body seized violently. Doctors and nurses flooded into the room, pushing him aside, lying Shawn flat. The doctor was barking out orders and a syringe was thrust into his hand. He jammed the needle into the flesh of Shawn's arm as several nurses held the blond down. Soon his movements became less violent and frequently until he finally lay completely still against the sheets. The doctor readjusted the tube in his throat and injected several other medications into his IV port.

Mark stood completely frozen, seemingly in shock. The doctor came over to him and sat him down. "Just relax Mark, he's alright, he's still alive."

Mark nodded weakly, shaking a little. That had definitely freaked him out, that quickly he'd almost lost him.

"Wh...what just happened?" He asked the doctor.

"Shawn had a seizure, his breathing tube partly dislodged and cut of the oxygen to his brain." the doctor explained.

"Did.....did it hurt him.....is he going to be ok?"

The doctor shook his head. "I dunno Mark, we'll schedule a CAT Scan and see how severely the seizure affected his brain. Don't give up on him just yet, he's still fighting. Most wouldn't have lasted this long, there's still hope." He reassured. Mark nodded and reached out to brush Shawn's hair out of his eyes.

"Please Baby, don't scare me like that." he murmured. "You're gonna give me gray hairs."

*~---~---~---~*

As the days wore on the cuts and bruises slowly faded from Shawn's body, leaving scars as a reminder of their presence. In the back of his mind Mark wondered to himself if Shawn did survive, would he ever wake up? And if he did what sort of state would he be in mentally? Would they ever be able to go back to anything remotely resembling their lives before these long months? Or would he still lose the man that he had intended to marry, _still_ intended to marry, when all of this was over.

Thankfully Shawn's CAT Scan didn't seem to show any brain damage resulting from his seizure but the doctor said that they wouldn't know for sure until Shawn woke. They began letting Mark sit with Shawn for longer and longer periods each visit as it seemed Shawn improved quicker with his Partner by his side. Mark desperately wished that Shawn would open his eyes or squeeze his hand, just once, just a little so that he knew Shawn was aware of his presence.

The blond's fever remained, though it had receded to hover between 101.5 and 102. Still, it was some improvement. The burns too had healed enough to be able to be covered with bandages but still he didn't wake. Even with the doctor urging him that Shawn had made progress by leaps and bounds and it was a miracle he was even alive, Mark was losing hope that his Shawn would come back to him.

So far his only comfort was the heart monitor. He watched the lines for hours, seeing they slowly but perceptively beginning to grow stronger and stronger. The soft _beep_,_ beep_,_ beep _in his head was replaced by Shawn's voice saying "_**I'm here Mark, I love you, I love you, I'm still here"**_

"I'm here too Shawn." he murmured. "I'm still here. I'm with you, I'm not leaving you, I love you....I love you."

He trailed off, remembering.

"Do you remember when we met Love? Long time ago huh? 1990, Survivor Series, backstage. You were such a little punk back then, I was the new kid." he smiled as he remembered. "You bumped into me in the hall and tried a pick a fight! It didn't matter that I was taller than you or heavier than you, I was a newbie and you didn't care.....Nobody could tell you you _couldn't_ do something....."

Mark squeezed Shawn's hand, tearing up just a little. "Whatever's going on in your head Shawn that's keeping you from me, pick a fight baby. It doesn't matter if its bigger than you, nobody can tell you _can't _or _don't_. Be the HBK I know is in there and beat this for me, fight for me, come back for me.....or take me with you." Mark's voice broke as he whispered the last sentence.

"Til Death Do Us Part is a load of crap!" he grumbled. "Anyone who believes that has never been in love. Those long months when you were gone, I knew you couldn't be dead, I was sure. I was sure I would have felt you go and it would have ripped my heart into pieces. I can't live without you baby...." Mark cried into the back of Shawn's hand, surprised he had any tears at all left at this point.

"Love....love looks on tempests and is never.......never shaken.......that.....that's Shakespeare, Angel. Remember that winter? I....I read you all of the sonnets. Remember that? Its 116. '_Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark That looks on tempests and is never shaken: It is the star to every wandering bark, Whose worth's unknown.....although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool_' I forget what's next and anyway you said that next bit was a bunch of useless babble. But then '_Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, But bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ. nor no man ever loved'._" Mark sighed.

"I don't know what some of that means Honey but what I'm trying to say is.....no matter how you come out of this.....if, no! _When _you come out of this, I'm here....I'll always be here. No matter how many scars you have or if you need some kind of help or whatever....I'll be by your side the whole time. I've taken you and our love for granted....I know that now....you've gotta live for now cuz......there may not be a later.....That's what you meant right? When you told me that we weren't _living_? That night, so many things happened that night....." Mark looked up, realizing how much he'd babbled on.

"Look at me talking myself in circles." He sighed. "Babbling on, I never babble.......I'm lost here Baby, I need you by my side! I mean I know you don't wanna hear all this nonsense, I'm barely making sense....Quoting Shakespeare and this crap....you don't even like Shakespeare! I'm losing it..."

Mark went quiet again for a very long time.

Note: Yes the sonnet is Shakespeare's 116 with a line or two taken out near then end. Mostly because I don't even know what it means or remember it so why would Mark?!

TakerMuse: I'm smart!

ShawnMuse: I am too!

TakerMuse: No you're not! * pokes * Blond!

ShawnMuse: * Runs away crying *

TakerMuse: Crap. Baby I was just kidding!

By the way, again I AM taking part in the Secret Santa 2009 Fic Challenge so you should check that out and I REALLY want my prompt already! Grrrrr.


	9. Chapter 9: Meanwhile

Dying Inside

-HeartbreakDX

Note: Yes I know, short but don't worry, 10 is close behind I promise.

Chapter 9:

**Meanwhile........**

A long way away from isolation a group of men sat before their leader, cringing away as he stormed around the room angrily.

"HE LIVES?!" He roared, throwing a chair in the general direction of the messenger who flinched and shied away.

"Y...yes sir. He's in a hospital.....unconscious, in a coma. I mean they say its a miracle he survived.....and they didn't think he'd last but....." he ducked another chair sent hurdling his way. "...But he's alive and......recovering they say....."

The leader stormed about the room, tearing it apart in his fury. "HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DEALT WITH! DISPOSED OF! WAS THAT NOT WHAT I ORDERED?!"

The group shrank away. One brave soul spoke up.

"W...well we did sir...I mean he _was_ technically alive when we left him...... But no one should have been able to survive that! I mean he was barely breathing.....his heart was going....we checked....he should have died!"

"He _should_ have died." the leader sneered mockingly. "YOU LEFT HIM ALIVE!?!?! ARE YOU A COMPLETE IDIOT?!"

The man shrank back, terrified of their leader's wrath.

"HE'S FUCKING HBK!!!! HE'S NOT A NORMAL PERSON!! YOU SAW YOURESLF THE KIND OF PAIN HE COULD TAKE BEFORE WE FINALLY BROKE HIM! DEFIANT OF ME RIGHT TO THE END! YOU NEVER THOUGHT THAT MAYBE _HE _OF ALL PEOPLE COULD SURVIVE THAT!!!!!?"

The leader wrenched the terrified follower forward but his shirt.

"When I said DISPOSE I meant FUCKING DISPOSE!" he hollered, tearing the follower's shirt to shreds. "And when I say FUCKING DISPOSE I MEAN......" he pulled out a knife from his belt and slit the follower's throat then buried it to the hilt in his guts.

"THIS!" he growled, wrenching the blade upward, eviscerating the man from navel to chin, letting his grip go and watching the bloody flesh crumple at his feet. He ripped his long serrated blade from the dead man, wiping it clean on a nearby follower's shirt. The follower cringed in disgust and fear.

"Get rid of it." he hissed. "And clean up this mess. "

The men hastened to obey.

"I want our former guest DEALT WITH! _Before_ the bitch wakes up and identifies us all!" he sheathed his weapon and stared to stride to the door, then pausing.

"AND FIND US A NEW FUCKING TOY!!! I'm bored!" he barked and exited, leaving a group of shocked and frightened men in his wake.

Finally one of them spoke up.

"We are so fucked....." he muttered. The whole group nodded in agreement. How were they supposed to "deal" with Shawn when he was all locked away, safe in isolation?

And if they didn't how could they make it out of this with their lives?

This had gotten far too complicated.

To Be Continued......


	10. Chapter 10

Dying Inside

HeartbreakDX

Chapter 10:

Mark sat in silence by Shawn's bed for an eternity until the doctor came in and ushered him out. Mark nodded and leaned over Shawn.

"You just focus on getting better and coming back to me Baby, I'll worry about everything else." he whispered in his ear, kissing his forehead and walking out of the room.

Anyone in the unit could tell that Mark was just numb now. He no longer broke down or talked to Shawn for hours on end, he just sat at his bedside, holding and squeezing his hand, repeating 'I love you' every so often. There was no more begging and pleading, just watching and silence. It made the doctors and nurses nervous.

The doctor had stopped pulling Mark out of Shawn's room and was slowly weaning Shawn off a good portion of his medications. Maybe with fewer drugs in his system, Shawn would be able to finally open his eyes. They hoped.

Mark sat once again watching Shawn's heart monitor as it would tell him when Shawn would wake up. He squeezed Shawn's hand reassuringly and this time Shawn's fingers moved. Mark's head shot to Shawn's face, hoping that he hadn't imagined it.

"Shawn? Angel Bear? Can you hear me love?" There was an agonizingly long pause before Shawn's fingers tightened slightly around his hand in a very weak squeeze.

"OH Angel thank God, I've been so worried Honey! Can you open your eyes for me Angel? Ummm tap your finger once for no and twice for yes? How's that?" he waited with baited breath.

One tap. No.

"That's alright Angel, that's ok, you're still very weak. Just relax Honey. Do you know where you are?" he asked, trying to think of more questions that Shawn could answer yes or no.

Another single tap. No.

"You're in the hospital Angel, you're hurt, but its gonna be ok Love, I promise. Are you in any pain? Should I get the doctor?"

Two harder taps. Yes. Shawn was in pain.

"Ok, ok Baby, give me a minute, I'll get him." he soothed, brushing Shawn's hair back gently. He reached up and pressed the call button above Shawn's bed and outside the room the doctor looked up. Mark waved to him and pointed to Shawn, the doctor nodded and went to change so he could come in.

"He's coming Sweetie, just hold on." he smiled and stroked the back of Shawn's hand.

"Do you remember what happened Angel Bear?" he asked softly. Did he really want to know if Shawn remembered the hell he'd been through? There was a long pause.

Two weak taps. Yes. Shawn remembered.

Mark sighed. "Shhhh ok Angel Bear, its alright, you're safe now, I'm here."

Shawn tapped twice. A yes.

Mark stroked his hair soothingly as he waited for the doctor and Shawn started trying to tell him something.

One tap, then another two taps, then one more.

"What's that Sweetie? What are you trying to tell me?" Mark asked. Shawn tried again.

One, Two, One.

Mark wracked his brain, what could Shawn be trying to tell him? What was it? Suddenly it dawned on him.

"I love you? Is that what you're trying to say Angel Bear? I love you?" Mark asked.

Two taps. That's a yes. Shawn was telling him he loved him. Mark grinned and kissed Shawn's cheek and forehead.

"I love you too Angel Bear." he murmured as the doctor stepped into the room.

"What is it?" he asked, checking Shawn over.

"He's communicating, squeezing my hand, tapping yeses and nos, and he says he's in pain." Mark replied, returning to stroking the back of Shawn's hand.

"Alright, Shawn can you hear me?" the doctor asked. Shawn double tapped a yes against Mark's hand.

"Ok can you try and give me a picture on a scale of 1 to 10 how bad the pain is?" he asked. There was a short pause before Shawn tapped Mark's hand 8 times weakly with his fingers. The tapping was getting lighter.

"I think he's having a hard time Doctor, he's not tapping as hard." Mark said.

"Ok Shawn, I'll give you a potent pain killer and you rest alright, no more tapping." the doctor ordered, injecting a syringe of medication into his IV. Shawn tapped a light yes before relaxing his hand and seemingly falling back asleep.

"There now." Mark whispered after the doctor left them to themselves once more. "That's my boy. You get better now. He thought he felt Shawn tap a yes but he couldn't be sure that he didn't imagine it.

* * *

So there you have it Chapter 10, Shawn's communicating, not opening his eyes yet but Mark feels better at least.

TakerMuse: Yeah Shawn, now stop scaring me will ya?

ShawnMuse: Well she's making me do it!

Me: I am not! You're making me do it! I am a slave to my musi!

*Musi get evil looks *

Me: I'm getting the feeling I shouldn't have said that.


	11. Chapter 11: With Meanwhile

Dying Inside

HeartbreakDX

Note: I've really caught a writing bug this week! Jeezum Crow! How many have I done this week? Lol Yay me! Don't forgot, the Secret Santa fics will be coming soon, I am currently also accepting fic requests so if you want something written a certain way let me know pairings and kinks etc... however remember I may not be able to get to everything before Christmas but you will get them. I prefer Shawn related pairings if possible but will write others and not a fan of Cena so keep that in mind. Happy Holidays!

Chapter 11:

Now that Shawn had begun to wake, Mark felt confident enough to leave isolation long enough to get himself something to eat at the cafeteria and look around in the giftshop for something to give the smaller man when he opened his eyes. His eyes fell to a cuddly white teddy bear sporting wings and a halo.

"No way, an 'Angel Bear'!" Mark laughed to himself. "That's just too perfect!"

He smiled to himself and paid for it, taking it back upstairs with him. He let the doctor spray the little guy down for germs before taking it back into Shawn's room with him. He grinned, anxious for Shawn to open his eyes so he could give it to him. Mark sat the bear on the bedside table and took Shawn's hand in his once again.

"Hey Angel Bear, I'm back. Just got me a little lunch." he murmured. Shawn squeezed his hand in acknowledgement, he was awake.

"Oh hey you're awake Honey!" Mark said surprised. "You wanna try opening your eyes for me Angel?"

Shawn tapped a yes against Mark's hand.

"Just take it slow Angel Bear ok? No rush." he watched as Shawn slowly struggled to open his eyes.

"Come on Shawny, you can do it. That's my tough boy!" he encouraged softly, squeezing his hand over and over. Shawn's eyes slipped open for a second and then closed again.

"Almost there Angel." He told him. "My resilient HBK."

Shawn's eyes slid open again, blinked, and stayed open.

"There you are Sweetie, hey!" he smiled. Shawn looked down at the tube in his mouth and started to try and fight it.

"Shhh shhhh no no no Sweetheart, you still need that Angel Bear. Wait until the doctor says it can come out." Mark soothed. "Just relax, that's it, there you go."

Shawn calmed and lay back against his pillows, looking up at Mark almost like he wasn't sure he was really there.

"It's me Angel Bear, it really is, I promise, I'm here." Mark reassured him. Slowly Shawn reached out and touched Mark's solid chest, his eyes brightening as he touched solid body and dropping his arm back to the bed. The small action took a lot of effort and energy but it was totally worth it for the little blond.

"See? Its me." he smiled. "I got you something."

He picked up the teddy bear and held it up in front of Shawn.

"Its an Angel Bear! Just like you!" he tucked it under Shawn's arm and he hugged it to him happily and looked up into his lover's eyes. Mark could see past the front Shawn was trying to put up for him into the hurt and fear behind it and the memories of what had happened to him. He didn't bring it up though. Shawn didn't need that right now. Right now Shawn needed his support and love. The rest could wait until he was feeling better.

…...Meanwhile........

"The bitch is awake." A short, fat man growled, sitting down at the bar with his fellows.

"Damnit!" A skinnier man swore, pounding his fist against the bar.

"We're dead." The third man added, setting his beer down.

"Not necessarily." Replied the fourth. "Not until he talks. He's still got a tube in his mouth right?"

The first man nodded.

"Then we have time. But we need to act quickly or it's an unmarked grave in the middle of nowhere for all of us!"

The other three nodded in agreement. Now was the time to act.

* * *

Shawn was fast asleep in his bed, his new teddy cuddled tight against his chest. Mark smiled down at his lover and kissed his forehead lovingly.

"Thank you for coming back to me baby. I love you so much." he murmured in his ear and settled down in his chair for the night. He took Shawn's hand in his and kissed the back of it. Shawn made an incoherent noise behind the tube in his throat and shifted in bed.

"Goodnight Angel Bear, please have only sweet dreams tonight." and he prayed to God that Shawn would only have sweet dreams and not be plagued by nightmares the whole night. Either way Mark wouldn't be leaving his side tonight. Not for an instant.

* * *

Notess:

Yes, chapter 11! * dances* I am so on a roll.

ShawnMuse: And I'm so freaking cute! Thanks for the teddy Baby!

TakerMuse: Of course Angel Bear, only the best for you.

Me: Now do it! DO IT!

*Both musi stare at me and my camera *

Me: Ummmm never mind, forget I said that.


End file.
